Living with a chronic illness can be a challenging journey. Often it requires an immense amount of strength and resilience. Coping with all the physical, emotional, and psychological challenges sometimes feels overwhelming. However, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to face it all alone. Accepting help from others is a valuable skill that can make your journey more manageable and fulfilling.
Recognize the Need for Help
The first and maybe most difficult step is to recognize that you need help. If you are like me, you are used to being self-reliant. I was proud of all the things I achieved on my own. One New Year’s Eve I even rearranged my complete flat, carrying hundreds of books from one room to the other! Nowadays, that is unthinkable. I need help not only with rearranging furniture, but also with smaller tasks such as vacuuming and shopping. And I am not ashamed of that anymore!
Build a Support Network
My next step was to build a support network. I learned this when we got the autism diagnosis for my kid. At that time, I built a network of friends, teachers, therapists and officials that were willing to help. When I realized I needed this kind of network for myself, I started building it as well. Luckily I have doctors who “believe” in ME/CFS as a neurological condition and don’t see it as a purely psychosomatic experience. I educated my surroundings about what was going on with me, which turned out really helpful for the next steps.
Communicate Your Needs
Of course, especially with ME/CFS I needed to find out my needs first. And it was far more difficult as with celiac disease, because with this I “simply” need safe food. Of course, that is not always so simple, but I am always able to take my own food anywhere. With ME/CFS it is more difficult to explain why I have to leave a party early or why I have to sit down immediately. But I learned to express my needs as well as my boundaries.
Accepting Emotional Support
This was one biggie for me. Even though I had run two self-help groups myself in the last decade, I had trouble accepting emotional support for myself. Luckily my hubby is a great listener in this and copes well with me bursting into tears and being frustrated that I can’t do what I want to do. And more often than not he sends me to take a hot bath to calm down if I can’t see the wood/forest for the trees. Him listening to me makes a world of a difference to me!
Embrace Self-Compassion
Another one that was difficult for me. Being hard on myself, forcing me to get on with it, whatever it was, was my way of running my life. But that didn’t work for me anymore. I learned to accept that it’s okay to ask for help and that I am deserving of the support I receive. I read in quite a lot of self-help books that you should treat yourself like you would treat a friend – with kindness and understanding. This new view helped me to embrace self-compassion.
Seek Professional Help
I have to admit, professional help didn’t do it for me, really. I had a burn-out 6 years ago, which was actually a worsening of my ME/CFS symptoms (though I didn’t know it back then). The psychiatrist I saw told me that she couldn’t provide much help. Ouch! That’s why I turned to journaling as a safe space to unload my fears, thoughts and what not. But please, don’t hesitate to get professional help, because therapists, counselors, and support groups can provide valuable guidance!
Be Grateful
This was also a huge game changer for me. I express my gratitude in the evening both in my journal and in my thoughts when I go to bed. I then also thank my body for continuing to function each day!
But I also express my gratitude to those who help and support me, so they know I don’t take their help for granted.
Pay It Forward
This newsletter is actually my way of giving back! I want to support you in your journey with chronic conditions. I am unable to continue organizing support groups in person due to my health condition. It is difficult for me to keep appointments and cope with being around so many people. But this newsletter I can write when I have the strength, and it is a fulfilling process for me.
And, so I hope it is of help and support for you!
Conclusion
Accepting help when you are chronically ill is a courageous and wise choice. To lead a fulfilling life despite chronic illness, recognize your needs, build a support network, and communicate openly to embrace available assistance. Remember, you are not alone, and there is strength in accepting help and sharing your journey with others.
“My Daily Compass” is the book I am using every evening. I created it myself as an easy-to-use morning and evening routine journal. As I suffer from brain fog I needed a journal that makes it easy to write in and doesn’t overwhelm me.
It is available on Amazon both as paperback and hardcover – click here! (Affiliate Link)
